The Big Leagues

I'm in the minor leagues. The small times. B-list. Still an understudy. 

That's alright, at least for now. I'll keep working and moving forward in my life. However, it still stings a little when I get that email that says I didn't advance to the next round of auditions. 

You know what's funny? Seven or eight years ago I ran from this whole process... subjecting myself to the mercy of audition panels. Who was I to be judged? I knew I wasn't good enough. I was not going to waste people's time by making them listen to me... a second-rate horn player and musician. 

For the last three years or so, though, I have begun to believe that perhaps I could do it. Perhaps I could make it to the Big Leagues. 

Maybe I can, but today I received an email that reminded me I'm not there yet. Tomorrow, I start over (sort of) and keep working towards the goal of being a successful horn player that earns a good income.

In my case I have found that this is what you get if you let years go by without honing the thing you should be doing. Maybe I could've used more people telling me that I could have been a good horn player. Maybe I could have used more encouragement. The fact is that I denied it and ran from this life. My good friends from Undergrad could tell you that. 

Don't waste time. Whatever you do, don't waste time. Even if you're afraid and feel absolutely alone and not quite sure of the place you've ended up in... don't waste time. 

The Big Leagues come after lots and lots and lots of strike outs.

Thoughts

4am this morning I get woken up by firefighters who say they were called by my alarm system about a fire. (I don't have an alarm system.) It's 4:45am now, and I figure I'll be up for a while. Therefore, I'll finish a post I started a little while ago.


Dad sent me this article a while back: http://jamesclear.com/good-habits. It's about started and keeping good habits.

Point number one from the article: "start with a habit so easy you can't say no"

"The most important part of building new habits is staying consistent. It doesn’t matter how well you perform on any individual day. Sustained effort is what makes the real difference.

For that reason, when you start a new habit it should be so easy that you can’t say no to it. In fact, when you’re starting a new behavior is should be so easy that it’s almost laughable." 

This reminded me of a lesson earlier that day on the Junior High All Region music. I asked my 8th grade boy how he did on a recent test of it. He said, "Not well." I asked him about the feedback he got. He said he was told he needed more work with the metronome. For the rest of our lesson, we went measure by measure syncing up his notes and performance with the objective, unchanging metronome beat. 

I encouraged him to practice this way. If he approaches the problem measure by measure, he'll have the whole thing mastered in pieces. After that, it's just a matter of putting the pieces together. When the pieces are together, the entire etude will be mastered.

I consider how this is slow work, and I compared it to the 'slowness' of raising children. I thought about how I tell my students to be patient in the slow nature of mastering their All Region etudes. I thought about how I should tell myself to be patient in the slow nature of becoming healthy and shedding 50 pounds.

I also thought about how people today do not want to be slow. Here are examples of our desires to get through things quickly: 

1. Wanting to drive everywhere, instead of walking, biking, or taking the train (not including those with long commutes)
2. Desiring faster phones and internet connections
3. The present relief of watching tv series online versus the ancient agony of waiting for a new episode every week (these next generations will be so spoiled...)
4. Retrieving knowledge from Wikipedia. Who needs to study or learn anymore? Or read a book?
5. Drive-thru's and dining out instead of the tediousness of grocery shopping, meal planning, and home cooking
6. Microwaves versus Ovens and Stoves

I think what really matters in life are the things that take a lot of time. I'm afraid people are forgetting that, though. We're a very fast society, and one that's used to 'instant' mode. How can everything we want happen now? What would we do with the next 60 years of life? Will we desire even more to fill our days and years? What is life like for gluttons of experience and pleasures? 

I suppose that's what I'll be working on for the next year: slowing down. I'm going to try and relearn what minutes and seconds really feel like; live life in real time. (And maybe thrown away facebook and my iPhone, but that'll be another post someday.)

Ah, and before I forget: Today I went out to Tyler, Texas with two brass buds and recorded some stuff for the new Say Anything album. Super fun! That's one of my favorite environments to work in. I'll keep everyone posted about it when the album comes out.

Goodbyes

Alright, you will have to forgive me. It's been a very long week, and I am (as my British friends would say) KNACKERED. I'm going to write this as quickly as I can while I'm still feeling the spirit of the evening.

Tonight I finished up a short run of the musical Nine with Lyric Stage. We had loads of fun being on stage with the actors and pouring ourselves out through the lush orchestrations.

I started thinking this afternoon about other last performances in my life. I flashed back to middle school years. I used to get real sad about performing pieces for the last time, especially at Region or band camp concerts.

I don't really mourn last performances anymore. I suppose I've been playing long enough now that 'lasts' don't feel new or out of the ordinary anymore. It's just part of the whole process of being a musician:

1. Learning
2. Editing
3. Mastering
4. Performing (Showcasing, Displaying, however you want to look at it)
5. Finishing (Ending, Leaving, Departing, etc...)

Endings are just part of the cycle of my musical life now. I find it to be no sad thing. For when this thing ends, another begins - and usually it's right around the corner! There is no time to mourn an end!

In 39 minutes I will say goodbye to the last day of my 27th year of life. I'm not sad about that either. Another year means another part of my life. The cycle continues on.

Good night. Love you all. Thank you for reading.

All Region Tunes! All District Tunes!

They're here!!

These will also be found permanently on the "CLIPS" page - which you can find up top. These are downloadable! Just click download. :)

Here is Selection One:

Slow version...





Fast version...




Selection Two is coming tomorrow!

ALL REGION!! ALL DISTRICT!!

HEY!

If you're here for Richardson's Jr High All Region stuff or Garland's Middle School All District stuff...


STAY TUNED

The tunes will be posted later tonight.

That is all.

:)

Activities of Legacy - What we've been up to this Summer

The longer I play with these boys, the more I find myself enjoying our tasks. We have a lot of fun, and I can tell everyone in the quintet loves what they do. Everyone also is pretty darn good (and that's good). 

I am continually comforted by the realization that I'm doing professionally now as an adult what I dreamed and longed for as a kid. I'm not at the end yet, and I certainly haven't achieved all my goals yet. But I will. 

Oh, I will.

The following are some snaps I took at a couple of our summer activities - a Catholic wedding out in Wichita Falls and a brass clinic we just completed this week in Bridgeport, TX. I was so moved at how well we were received in Bridgeport - and, come to think of it, at the wedding in Wichita Falls. People seem to be truly blessed hearing us play. I love that. I think that's a good sign that we're doing good things. 

Wedding...

Bridgeport...

I hope one day I can do a lot of touring. I enjoyed meeting and talking to some of our audience members after our Bridgeport concert. They asked me questions about what I'm doing and my professional work, but we also talked some about life (in Bridgeport and other places). I love people and I love music. Hope to get more of both as time marches on.

Brass Playing is a Struggle

Ran into an old friend of mine recently. He's a horn player as well, and he made the comment "Brass playing is a struggle." Boy I really agreed with him. That's all I've been feeling this year - a struggle!

And sometimes I feel like this:

Anyways. This is nice:

Goodnight!

Seeing Beyond

I finished reading The Giver last week.

I read the book because I kept referencing it to my kids in lessons. I realized that since the last time I read the book was 2008 or so I should read it again. (I wanted to make sure I knew what it was I was referencing.)

The story is about a futuristic society that has worked out all the 'kinks' in life. Everybody is extremely pleasant and cordial to each other as they follow detailed and legalistic codes for daily life. There is no pain, no warfare, no starvation. All aspects of life for every individual are carefully constructed and designed by a group of elders. I think I remember reading only 50 new children (max) are born each year - I suppose to control population growth. All is 'Sameness'. There is no weather, no true emotion, no deep thought, and nobody can see in color (or hear music, we find out later).

But one boy, illustrated in the picture above, begins to see in color. He can See Beyond.

Seeing Beyond is what I'm referencing to my kids these days. It's the phenomenon in music, or any practice, when perception of a thing begins to change because one has been looking at it hard enough for a long enough time. Specifically, this concept is coming in handy for my high schoolers that are working on transposition. At some point, I tell them, you will look at a C, but you will see a B-Flat. You will See Beyond.

Another reference I've used this semester is the scene from the Matrix where Neo comes back to life. After his resurrection he can See Beyond. He can see the true reality. If you need a refresher, here is a clip:

I'm still growing on my horn (I hope I never stop!), and there are many things I'm learning and relearning. I had my own Seeing Beyond experience this year. I was working in a musical that had a two week run. In the second week, in maybe my 30th hour of playing through the musical, things looked and felt differently. I felt as if I was peering down the lead pipe of my horn and could actually see the music I was making. Before, I could hear what I was playing; and I even felt it. But then, after, it was as if I could see the musical sounds I made. 

I'm certain that on the surface this all sounds pretty ridiculous. However, to truly know something, I believe one must know it in every aspect. We have five senses, don't we? Hearing, Taste, Smell, Touch, and Sight. What if you knew your craft deeply with every sense you possess? (True, this Seeing Beyond may be less with the eyeball and more with the mind's eye. That makes me wonder if we have a mind's ear/mouth/nose...) 

This is obtained after a long period of looking at the subject at hand. Neo had to crawl before he walked. He had to throw himself off a building and fight lots of bad guys. He even had to die before he could open his eyes and see things the way they really were. But then, after two hours of filmtime, Neo arose as the man he was made to be. He saw floating numbers, defeated Mr. Smith, and saved humanity.

This kind of seeing, thinking, and processing through whatever you are doing will make you a deeper musician and person. So go deeper! Look at something long enough so that you can See Beyond!

Spinet

I like the piano. 

I can't decide if I feel more natural on a piano or on the horn. My parents started me out on the instrument when I was 5 or so. I began lessons on our Lester Betsy Ross Spinet - a piano real similar to the video posted above. I might be inheriting our family's old piano, so I've been looking it up online lately. Just now I was sitting here trying to decide if I like that, as my friend Vicky put it, "honky talk" sound. 

It's funny, I can't say whether or not I like it, but for some reason it sounds like home. This piano sound is what I grew up with - what I grew up touching with my fingers. I watched this video in particular and thought, "Yep. That's what I played all my Mozart and boogie-woogies on."

All my life I've dreamt of having a home with a real-life piano in it. Whether I get the old Reno piano or find another to write my own history on, it'll be real interesting dissecting the sounds as an adult ...figuring out how it works in the space of my home-to-be ...figuring out how it sounds through a mic. 

And so on.

Why I Probably Couldn't be a Classroom Teacher

Yep. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. I've spent a lot of time telling people about this. I'm really not interested in teaching a classroom full of kids right now (that could change though). I love the one-on-one time with my horn students. I love how in depth we get with our lessons. I love how I can have a brief period of time to get to know each and every one of them!

I believe by knowing what type of kid I'm teaching horn to, I can better explain things in the language they'll understand. I can discuss rhythm differently and on higher levels with my math wiz kids. I can talk about music as a structure or language to some of my more 'humanities' inclined students.

I think I finally figured out what one of my Jr High kids is - or at least might be... a programmer. Periodically we talk about his favorite class where he builds robots that do stuff.  Today I asked how he made robots do things. "I just program things into the computer that tell it what to do."

Brilliant! I've got a little programmer on my hands! Then I realized later... how the heck do I converse with a programmer? That is a whole world I've never really understood.

So I'm sending this question to anyone reading this: how do programmers think? How do they see the world? Are any of you out there a programmer or close friends to one? Married to one? What have you experienced?

Anyways, I'll wrap this up by posting a link to a board on my pinterest. (You can follow all my boards here.) I figure my 'classroom' is just practice room after practice room until I graduate to having my own studio one day. Here's a look at my dream music/practice rooms:

One of my favorites is this one:

September 1969. “Practice Room:
the bright way to a sound-absorbing studio.
There’s rush matting on the walls
and an underfoot of sunny, shaggy carpeting.” Perfect!

I'm such a retro girl at heart.

What Do You Want?

Happy Beautiful Thursday everyone!

I am currently sitting outside in the back yard. This is an uncommon joy for me since I usually teach during the daytime. Lucky for me my junior high-ers are busy testing today, so I have a few hours to myself. Double points for today because it is a gorgeous 61 degrees out. 

This bit of time is a nice relief. This semester has been a busy one for me. I've acquired new students (RHS! Woo!), had a couple of musical gigs (South Pacific at Lake Highlands and a two-week Les Miserables run), accompanied several students for Solo and Ensemble, and recorded as much as I could for music festival auditions. Oh! Can't forget joining Legacy Brass! During the last month I was leaving to teach from 8-2ish (sometimes to 4pm) and then heading out for Les Mis or other rehearsals. I didn't walk through my door again until 10pm on some nights. 

I won't lie: this life style is wearing. I love teaching, and I love playing. But 14 hours days can be a lot, especially when you have many in a row. That's why these past 10 days or so have been a nice breather for me. There's one topic of discussion in my lessons right now, since All Region/Solo and Ensemble are done: I ask my kids, "What do you want for next year?"

This started as a practical question on my part. I needed to know what the kids expected, desired, and aspired for their next year in band. I see it as part of my job to help them get to where they want to go - wherever that may be. I needed to know so that I would have a good idea of how to proceed forward in my teaching (I'm still a newbie at this). 

After two days of asking kids this question, I noticed I mostly got two types of answers.

The first answer was purposeful, unquestionably confident, and full of delight. I think some of my kids were actually delighted to be asked what they wanted, as if they already had ambitions and goals to meet for their next year in band. They were ready to share what had been decided within. With excitement, the student and I would plan out objectives for the 2013-2014 school year. (I'm excited because this feeds my band-nerd-iness.)

The second kind of answer was a shrug. 

What! A shrug? I can't plan my curriculum and methods on a shrug. I pressed on further.

"What do you want? We can do anything. Do you want to go up a band? Make All Region? Get a 1 at Solo and Ensemble?"

More shrugs. Maybe an "I dunno. I guess. Yeah."

Nothing! There was nothing in these answers. No spark, and certainly no ambition. No personality. And maybe the saddest one of all: no desire. Nothing. My questions dropped with a thud. Like a miss-sacked hackey sack.  

I found myself trying to assure them that they could have whatever they wanted. Obviously it means they'd have to work for it. My point, though, was that they had someone on their side that was committed to helping them get where they wanted to go - a pretty valuable someone at that. (I posses the secrets to horn playing... muahahahaaaaaa.)

This is a little discouraging, but not totally - if a kid doesn't want to do anything we'll just play scales and rhythms all day long. However it did get me thinking about myself and my life.

But there must be a reason why the kids shrugged when I asked them what they want. It can be a tough question to answer! Here's why:

1. They don't know what they want. 
2. They are afraid to admit what they want. 
3. They don't believe they can have what they want.
4. There is no point. To any of this. (i.e. - they do not care)

There's probably more, but I'll leave it with these four.

I wondered if I've asked myself the same question recently. "What do I want?" I realized last week that this is a question not just for horn students grades 7-12. Everybody on the planet needs to ask or be asked this question. The question needs to be asked because there not many other ways to get what you want unless you know what it is you want. I thought on this some more. If I need to ask the same question I'm asking my kids, then which of the two responses will I have? It is a choice, and I can choose how to respond to such a question. (for the record, I choose the first kind of answer)

It comes down to this: we all have desires. It doesn't matter the size or ambition of the desire, but we all want stuff. I believe the best thing is to express -  to oneself and to others - what one wants. Stuff doesn't get done when it sits quietly and untouched inside of people. It has to get out, so get it out! Tell people. Tell yourself! Write it down and stick it on your wall. Then you get to be told of your desires every time you look at it!

1. Don't know what you want? Then spend some time thinking about it. Spend some time with your family and friends. You'll see them doing what they want, and it may inspire you to find what you want. 
2. Are you afraid to admit what you want? Grab a confidant. Grab your closest friend or a bosom body. You may need someone you can open up to in order to get those juices flowing. You may need another person to walk you through what you want. 
3. You need to believe you can have what you want. Despair and self-pity is a mucky bog. I've spent a lot of time trying to convince some friends of mine that they could have spectacular lives, but I don't think they ever listened. Some people find it easier to sink low than to soar high. I don't think very much happiness is found in those low places. 
4. There's no point? Wrong! There is a point! As long as you are alive, there will always be a point. Try really hard to not end up as a 77 year old person that looks back and sees a life with no point. 

I wrote this earlier, but this is true for all: I said to the unsure kids "What do you want? We can do anything." Whether or not you're able to see it, there are folks all around you very willing to help you get where you want to go. That is a great resource for your life. 

Accept help when it comes your way, and look for help when it seems you have none. 

You can always have help. You can have what you want.

If you do all this, then stuff will start to happen in your life. Then stuff will get done. 

To put my money where my mouth is, I'll leave you with a few of pictures of what I want. :)

Currently trying to figure out if I 'want' short hair.

Big want: a husband and kids.
If we end up on a farm and the dude
is like a young Paul McCartney...
well then ok. :)

Legacy Brass

Good evening friends! I have some exciting news...

I have been invited to join the ranks of Dallas/Ft Worth's Legacy Brass Quintet! I sat in on a rehearsal recently and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I was delighted to hear this weekend that they enjoyed having me with them! 

I am very honored to be a part of this quintet as they are all excellent players with amazing experience behind each of them. I LOVE brass ensembles and I'm really quite stoked to get to work with one professionally. These guys in particular have a great business plan and vision for what they want to accomplish as a group. That is the sort of thing I definitely love to be a part of.

You can check out their website here: http://legacybrassquintet.com/

Hopefully this new step in my musical profession will encourage me to get back on the saddle and start keeping this site better. I have a lot of ideas in my head, and I need to get them fleshed out for you all - especially my students. Too bad life is wonderfully busy and keeps me occupied (more than I want to be sometimes).